Thursday, September 22, 2016

all you need to know about babies.

(by an expert)

well, he's finally here, guys.


so just let me know if you have any questions.


by now I know all the important things about babies.


like the right spot to hear a baby's heartbeat.


and all the best baby knock-knock jokes.


and how to knock out anyone
who doesn't treat my baby brother with respect.
  

that's right.
I know people.


on the whole, babies are really pretty easy.


 all they need is a little bit of lovin.


(and a lot of diaper changes.) 




Friday, April 1, 2016

a little announcement.


guys,
there's something missing.
I think I know what you mean, joshy.
yeah... I feel it too...
                                   

do you think maybe...


we just need more circuits in our lives?


if you want to make an LED circuit, 
you need a 9V battery, a resistor, an LED, three wires--


uh, joshy, circuits are cool, but...
they're not what's missing.


I know what it is!


we need more bugs and worms!
just look at these little guys. 
beautiful.


and no matter how many scorpion lollipops we get,
there's always room for more.


plus, you can never have too many snails.


never.


that's not what's missing, either, bennett.
I know!


it's gotta be Legos.


we don't have enough.
think what we could do with just a few more...


that's true.
we do need more Legos.
it's a valid point, but...
there's this Ninjago set--


wait a second, guys.
I've got it.
I know what we're missing.


it's a baby brother.


a baby brother?


you're so right, bennett.
that's totally it.


a baby what?


and here I thought I would always be the baby...


but being a big brother does sound pretty great.
let's get this party started.


this is going to rock!
oh yeah!
we'll have so much fun with four boys!
uh, guys, 
someone has to tell Mom and Dad.


they'd better say yes!
what if they don't?
I'd say it's preeetty obvious that


we need to balance both sides of the teeter-totter,


we gotta have even teams for lightsaber bubble battles,


and more is always better when it comes to dog piles!


what do you say, Mom and Dad?
are you up for the challenge?
will you take the leap


and have FOUR boys?!



Hmmmm.
What do you think, Dad?


Why not?
Sounds like a blast.


 Okay, boys.
You've got a baby brother coming at the end of August.
You're welcome.




yay!
does this mean we can bring home more bugs, too?


I'm... thinking that's a no.
don't cry, Mom.


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

A Cautionary Tale About Using Science to Accomplish Your Evil Goals

Once upon a time, in a land that gleamed
Lived two nice people and an American dream
Get married, have kids, what could go wrong?
They said to each other as they skipped along


In their innocent eyes, the years ahead would be easy
Because although pregnancy makes some people queasy
The product you'd end up with after all of that sweat
Would be well worth the effort for what you would get:

Children with manners who would sweetly obey
Every whim and wish that their parents could say
Yes, as far as these lovebirds knew, the future was gold
With nice little kids who did what they were told


Well, soon they had children
Three boys in a row
But did they behave like they should?
...um, not really, no.

I wish to emphasize here that the parents weren't lazy
It's just that, well, their sons could get crazy!



And madness, as we all know, is contagious
And thus drove our heroes to do the outrageous.


You see, at this point in our story
The couple set up a laboratory
Then convinced their kids to lie really still...



While they turned them to ROBOTS 
And stole their FREE WILL.

Yes, now socks would be picked up and snails would not
All chores completed, underpants without spot
All feet would be clean, no live ants would get eaten
And at the end of the day parents wouldn't feel beaten

After some careful adjusting and last minute tweaks
(Their science was top notch, but still took a few weeks)


Their hard work paid off as you will soon see
For out of the lab walked...









and




Yes, the robots were perfect, there was really no doubt
Mom and Dad would never again have to shout.



Each robot fulfilled every little command
And instantly powered down with a wave of the hand 
*sigh*



The parents were elated! They cried out in song



For with an endless power supply and convenient lights on
Their robots could do chores all the night long



But before Ma and Pa could enjoy all their clean dishes...
Something went wrong.
Something very suspicious.

Now, we don't know the reason why it quickly went sour
How such expert programming could switch off in an hour



How this masterpiece, behaving on cue



Could turn suddenly bonkers. Crazy. Cuckoo.



It started with silly, irrational behavior



But began to get creepy 



Sooner than later.


Was it just a wee spark plug misplaced in the garage?
Or was it something more like... 


... robot sabotage?


We don't know, we haven't a clue
How science the know-all, the end-all, the true
Could have failed our poor dreamers, after all they'd been through
But it did.
And chaos began to ensue.

Despite many attempts to resume the control
Mom and Dad were not able to achieve their goal!



The robots had had enough schoolwork and books
They'd had enough parents who weren't good enough cooks
They'd had enough of putting laundry away
Enough shushing and scolding every day
And so, I regret to say,
That even though Ma and Pa once ran a 5K
This time, yes, this time,
They did not get away.





And that, my friends, is the end of the story.
(We'll spare you the details, in case they were gorey.)

Just be on the lookout-- they're still on the loose!
These robots with reflective arms, legs, and shoes
Don't fall for those innocent faces...
It's all a ruse!
And if you ask them to clear off the table, they might blow a fuse.

It's really too bad this tale ends so tragic.
It just goes to show that instead of science...
Mom and Dad should have used magic!






-- ALTERNATE ENDING BECAUSE THE BOYS HATE THIS ONE 
AND THINK IT'S THE "WORST STORY EVER" --


When these silly parents saw just what they had did



They decided to turn the robots back into kids. Phew.





for more merrilykaroly (+addie) Halloween adventures: