Wednesday, October 8, 2008

tomorrows and yesterdays

Do you ever feel nostalgic while looking at old pictures?



I came across our engagement photos the other day and slipped back into old happy memories...

I often feel nostalgic as I look at old pictures. For some reason I feel sad as I look at them, and almost wish I could go back and relive the moments they have captured, no matter how happy I am today. Why is that? It's funny that I would feel that way about our engagement photos-- they mark a time when Josh and I were focused on the future, excited about the lifetime of possibilities ahead of us.

I often look forward to future times when my son will be crawling, walking, talking, going to school. I often think "I can't wait until Friday" or "Christmas is just months away" or "Someday when we buy a home..." instead of enjoying the day, the hour, the minute I am living.

Before I left for Peru, my cousin Michele told me to "cherish every moment" of my mission. I often remembered that advice while I served, but did I ever follow it? Did I really appreciate how wonderful that experience was as I lived it? In the blink of an eye, the 18 months ended and I was back home as if I'd never left.

Is that just the nature of who we are-- never quite living in the present? Always longing for the past or dreaming of the future? Will my life pass me by in the blink of an eye without me ever realizing what it is?

Why is it so hard to live for today?

I want to make sure that I enjoy every minute of nowness because once it's gone, it's gone, and then I will never be able to get it back. The good, the bad, the emotional, the trying, the anguished, the inspiring, the silly, the beautiful moment. At the most I will have a picture or a video or a song or a smell that tries to capture that moment in time, but never quite succeeds.

Tomorrow I will not be able to relive today-- and there I go thinking about tomorrow again.




9 comments:

Josh said...

I love you.

Lori said...

I liked that post. It was a nice read, and it also had cute pics. What more could one ask from a blog post?

The Fizz said...

First things first. Just because a comment isn't left doesn't mean it isn't being read. I assure you, it's being read. I love your blog(s) and especially your insight.

Secondly, I take issue with the line in this blog which states, "once it's gone, it's gone."

To quote one of my blogs quoting others:

"It has been said, “to understand a man, you must know his memories.”

Perhaps from now on I will print out my journal and print off my blog entries and bestow this book of my past to any new being of whom I wish to connect. But as William Faulkner said, the past is never dead; it is not even past."

merrilykaroly said...

the fizz--

interesting...

We all know that there are people who read one's blog and never say anything. I do that often in my blog perusing. But when you create something, it's always nice to know that others cared about it too...

I think it's interesting what you say about the past... How do you get a moment back? Are memories sufficient? It's true that they are always a part of the person we have become. But then why do I feel sad when I look at old pictures??

Linda said...

Those engagement photos are some of my absolute favorites of you two. What do you mean past? You still look exactly the same right now as you did then. These pictures are still NOW! (Maybe they always will be)

michele said...

Adele, I'm so glad you posted this today!!! I was having such a hard day worrying about the future, and I read your post and it was exactly what I needed.

I love you!!!

P.S. I don't even remember telling you that before your mission, you have such a great memory!

NoSurfGirl said...

I can completely relate to that. I think that slowing down and living in the moment is a way to sanity in young motherhood... I'm just barely being able to get a grasp on it.

Sitting and playing with my children, even though I'm not really into blocks and ponies anymore... just enjoying the interaction and their wonderful antics...
one idea that was given to me once (by a certain Margaret we both know and love) is to get a book and write down all the funny things that happen in the family all day. Later on, the kids will pick it up and laugh hysterically and enjoy those memories. I keep planning on incorporating it into evening routine or FHE or something but we never do... we need to get on it!

The only thing I can't live in the moment: dishes and laundry. SO I turn on NPR or watch a funny TV episode while I do them instead.

Ryan C. said...

Great post, Adele. Very insightful comments.

Dianna said...

It's been awhile since I could read your blog, but I loved all of the posts, especially this one. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy the now while it's here.

No let's just hope I actually survive the now... :)