Friday, June 21, 2013

How does he *do* that??

joshy (coming into our room in the middle of the night): I'm scared of the dark!
Mommy: Go to sleep.

joshy: It's too daaaark!
Mommy: You have a nightlight. Go to sleep!

joshy: I can't! I'm scared!
Mommy (in a very desperate way): And now you're waking everybody else up! Go to SLEEP!

Daddy (in a calm, kind voice): Guess what, Joshy. I got a new pocketknife.
joshy: What?

Daddy: I got a new pocketknife.
joshy: Oh. Is it the black one?

Daddy: Nope, it's not the black one. It's a different one. With a light on it.
joshy: Oh.

Daddy: Go to sleep now, and I will show it to you in the morning.
joshy: Ok. (closes the door and goes to bed for the rest of the night)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

My diastasis recti.

Hatey hate hate it.

No, don't google it, trust me on this one. And if you did google it, don't worry, mine doesn't look all scary like that.

Mine looks more like this:

yes, I drew this. 
no, I don't dress like this.

Diastasis recti is when your tummy muscles are split apart down the middle, with no intention of going back together.

In the morning, my tummy doesn't look half-bad, but as I eat throughout the day, it pooches out more and more because there isn't much holding my insides inside. Gross? Yes, yes it is. My tummy sticks out in kind of a flat, square-y way.

At first, I just thought I had a muffin top because hey, every woman who just had a baby needs to lose a little weight around the middle, right?

But then I lost the weight. And then I lost more. I weighed less than maybe ever in my adult life. And I still had a disproportionately large stomach. And I exercised.  And I still had it. And I squeezed my eyes shut real tight and wished really hard. And I STILL HAD IT.

And then in a routine checkup almost a year after having my baby, my midwife felt my tummy and finally gave me the answer. It often happens to women who have big babies, or who've had multiple pregnancies. She told me to look up a YouTube video for toning my abs and I'd be just fine.

I did and I wasn't. A random YouTube video wasn't going to help me.

sorry, Richard, it's just not going to work out this time. no offense.

Diastasis recti is NOT solved by doing crunches. In fact, crunches make it worse because they can split the muscles even more. Lifting heavy things the wrong way, and even moving in the wrong way can aggravate the condition.

After trying some different things, I found an exercise program made for mamas just like me. And I've been working on it now for three months. I'd love to tell you that I am now Abs Of Steel Mama, but that is not the case. This thing is kicking my trash. And it will probably only get worse if I have more kids. And of course if you look it up online, all those nice, disinterested surgeons will say it can only be fixed with surgery.

It's killing me!

Okay, look, I know what you're thinking. Big deal! A little flabby tummy! Quit yer whining and take a look at what you got out of it!

You are so totally right. They are so totally worth it.

And if you think you might have diastasis recti too, I am here to support you. And not just around the mid-section.