Monday, August 26, 2013

Saying Goodbye

well, this is it.
the time has come.

 we'll sure miss you, joshy.

i'll miss you guys, too.

be good, all right?


i know, linky.
it's tougher than i thought it'd be, too.

but look on the bright side...

 we'll always have a place for him in our hearts.

and i'm sure he'll write home every now and again.

chin up.

uh, guys?

it's just kindergarten.
i'll be back in four hours.



hey, if anyone asks, 
i don't know anything about what happened to joshy's fruit snack stash.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Dear ER Lady,

I am so sorry I snapped at you. I am so sorry I made your day that much harder. I know you spend your day doing your best to save people's lives.

I have no excuse for being rude to you. I guess wondering all night if my baby was going to stop breathing, then the next day hauling three little boys to the pediatrician, followed by the x-ray clinic, followed by the mall to wait where my three-year old had to pee every few minutes because he drank so much lemonade and I changed a poopy diaper in the car in the heat and my kids fought with each other and I yelled at them, followed by the x-ray clinic again where my three-year old peed behind a bush, followed by the ER where Josh met me and a doctor who told us we had the wrong x-ray, followed by the ER at a different hospital where we had another x-ray, and being told they might have to put the baby under and try to extract a peanut shell from his bronchus was a bit much for me.

Or maybe it was how I felt when we were told we could just go home because although the first x-ray had supposedly shown signs of pneumonia in one lung to the radiologist, it looked just fine to this doctor, and the second x-ray looked just fine too, and the baby's breathing sounded just fine to both doctors at the ER, and I guess it was all just a silly little mistake which we might get a few silly little bills for.

Or maybe it was the reminder that doctors really are just guessing at things, like the rest of us are, and the only sure way of knowing at this point if my baby has something lodged in his lung would be to put him under general anesthesia and look down his throat, and we didn't want to do that, but I wasn't sure if we were making the right decision because his breathing still sounded wrong to me. Maybe that's what did it for me.

Whatever it was, my un-napped, trooper of a baby was doing his best to occupy himself while we waited for the "necessary paperwork" to arrive so we could finally just leave, and we waited, and we waited, and we waited, and he was playing with some medical equipment, and then you came into the picture. When you suggested it might be better if he didn't play with the medical equipment, I snapped at you.

Forgive me. No matter what, there is no excuse for being rude. I think it must be a rough job, a thankless job at times, to work in the ER. I know it was very busy there yesterday, as you mentioned. You are a decent human being, doing what you do every single day. I could never do it.

I wish I could go back and give you a hug.


A frustrated, very apologetic mommy

 the moon on my walk while Josh put the kids to bed

Thursday, August 8, 2013

When all you've got left is a measly ol pretzel

when your jamba juice is all gone and all you've got left is a measly ol pretzel

when despite the fact that you are wearing lucky socks and you fully intend to plead, beg, grovel, sob, wheedle, stall, and even try to rationally explain that you can just come back next week instead and get the last shot you need for kindergarten, you know a giant needle is coming your way, and there's nothing you can do about it

when your fat rolls have tan lines

  when you forget for just a moment that the baby is steadily usurping all of your toys, clothes, and sippy cups and soon you will have nothing left, nothing at all, and out of pure goodness you let him ride your trike with you

 when your brother remembers all his reasons to find an unsupervised moment and exact his sweet revenge

 when mom tries not to get sunblock in your eyes

when you taste true happiness for the first time, followed by absolute despair
when the ride is over and you realize just how fleeting true happiness can be

  when you gaze into your husband's closet before he donates a couple
of his worn out pairs of shoes and you think about how much 
you will miss them and the bright-colored happiness they brought you

when you take a picture to remember what clean looked like before the kids woke up

what stares at you and haunts you at night because your husband's baking skills are that good

what stares at you and haunts you during the day because your baby's stalking skills are that good

what arrives on your doorstep the day your husband leaves on a backpacking trip, followed by gifts for every day he is gone because he knows just how hard it is not to be able to webcam him, call him, chat him, email him or even stalk him on Find My iPhone while he is hiking 40 miles in the wilderness 

the kind of book you expect to find in the San Jose Public Library

 the kind of book you have nightmares about which then come true when your five-year old deposits them neatly into your library book bag

Thursday, August 1, 2013

One Year

my lunch today, with lettuce from our garden

Today marks a full year of having a salad for lunch every day. 

There have been exceptions, of course, but I've been able to stick to my guns almost every single day. I've brought salad in a tupperware along with my kids' pb&j's to the park; I've eaten salad at the beach.

It's gotten easier. I originally tried to make it from August to Thanksgiving last year and thought I would die a miserable, salady death long before achieving that... but the longer I've kept up the habit, the easier it's gotten.

It's like... a lifestyle change. A sustainable dietary choice. The kind of "diet" that the experts encourage because you can actually do it for more than a month without dying of protein powder.

So to celebrate my year mark, I am making a goal to "eat good" for the month of August. It's really complicated.

Eat-Good (v.-adv.): Eat stuff that's good for you whenever possible. At snacktime, choose cashews or dried apples instead of the {extremely delicious} chocolate chip cookies your husband made. Stop eating when you're full. Don't eat too much dessert.

Crazy right? This new fad diet sounds dangerous, but I'm willing to try it. Want to join me?

P.S. Yes, I also still have FAGE for breakfast every day. It's getting a little old... but I'll keep doing it until I find something better.

P.P.S. Do you have any good salad dressing recommendations? Or recipes?