I am so sorry I snapped at you. I am so sorry I made your day that much harder. I know you spend your day doing your best to save people's lives.
I have no excuse for being rude to you. I guess wondering all night if my baby was going to stop breathing, then the next day hauling three little boys to the pediatrician, followed by the x-ray clinic, followed by the mall to wait where my three-year old had to pee every few minutes because he drank so much lemonade and I changed a poopy diaper in the car in the heat and my kids fought with each other and I yelled at them, followed by the x-ray clinic again where my three-year old peed behind a bush, followed by the ER where Josh met me and a doctor who told us we had the wrong x-ray, followed by the ER at a different hospital where we had another x-ray, and being told they might have to put the baby under and try to extract a peanut shell from his bronchus was a bit much for me.
Or maybe it was how I felt when we were told we could just go home because although the first x-ray had supposedly shown signs of pneumonia in one lung to the radiologist, it looked just fine to this doctor, and the second x-ray looked just fine too, and the baby's breathing sounded just fine to both doctors at the ER, and I guess it was all just a silly little mistake which we might get a few silly little bills for.
Or maybe it was the reminder that doctors really are just guessing at things, like the rest of us are, and the only sure way of knowing at this point if my baby has something lodged in his lung would be to put him under general anesthesia and look down his throat, and we didn't want to do that, but I wasn't sure if we were making the right decision because his breathing still sounded wrong to me. Maybe that's what did it for me.
Whatever it was, my un-napped, trooper of a baby was doing his best to occupy himself while we waited for the "necessary paperwork" to arrive so we could finally just leave, and we waited, and we waited, and we waited, and he was playing with some medical equipment, and then you came into the picture. When you suggested it might be better if he didn't play with the medical equipment, I snapped at you.
Forgive me. No matter what, there is no excuse for being rude. I think it must be a rough job, a thankless job at times, to work in the ER. I know it was very busy there yesterday, as you mentioned. You are a decent human being, doing what you do every single day. I could never do it.
I wish I could go back and give you a hug.
A frustrated, very apologetic mommy
the moon on my walk while Josh put the kids to bed