Tuesday, November 3, 2015

A Cautionary Tale About Using Science to Accomplish Your Evil Goals

Once upon a time, in a land that gleamed
Lived two nice people and an American dream
Get married, have kids, what could go wrong?
They said to each other as they skipped along

In their innocent eyes, the years ahead would be easy
Because although pregnancy makes some people queasy
The product you'd end up with after all of that sweat
Would be well worth the effort for what you would get:

Children with manners who would sweetly obey
Every whim and wish that their parents could say
Yes, as far as these lovebirds knew, the future was gold
With nice little kids who did what they were told

Well, soon they had children
Three boys in a row
But did they behave like they should?
...um, not really, no.

I wish to emphasize here that the parents weren't lazy
It's just that, well, their sons could get crazy!

And madness, as we all know, is contagious
And thus drove our heroes to do the outrageous.

You see, at this point in our story
The couple set up a laboratory
Then convinced their kids to lie really still...

While they turned them to ROBOTS 
And stole their FREE WILL.

Yes, now socks would be picked up and snails would not
All chores completed, underpants without spot
All feet would be clean, no live ants would get eaten
And at the end of the day parents wouldn't feel beaten

After some careful adjusting and last minute tweaks
(Their science was top notch, but still took a few weeks)

Their hard work paid off as you will soon see
For out of the lab walked...


Yes, the robots were perfect, there was really no doubt
Mom and Dad would never again have to shout.

Each robot fulfilled every little command
And instantly powered down with a wave of the hand 

The parents were elated! They cried out in song

For with an endless power supply and convenient lights on
Their robots could do chores all the night long

But before Ma and Pa could enjoy all their clean dishes...
Something went wrong.
Something very suspicious.

Now, we don't know the reason why it quickly went sour
How such expert programming could switch off in an hour

How this masterpiece, behaving on cue

Could turn suddenly bonkers. Crazy. Cuckoo.

It started with silly, irrational behavior

But began to get creepy 

Sooner than later.

Was it just a wee spark plug misplaced in the garage?
Or was it something more like... 

... robot sabotage?

We don't know, we haven't a clue
How science the know-all, the end-all, the true
Could have failed our poor dreamers, after all they'd been through
But it did.
And chaos began to ensue.

Despite many attempts to resume the control
Mom and Dad were not able to achieve their goal!

The robots had had enough schoolwork and books
They'd had enough parents who weren't good enough cooks
They'd had enough of putting laundry away
Enough shushing and scolding every day
And so, I regret to say,
That even though Ma and Pa once ran a 5K
This time, yes, this time,
They did not get away.

And that, my friends, is the end of the story.
(We'll spare you the details, in case they were gorey.)

Just be on the lookout-- they're still on the loose!
These robots with reflective arms, legs, and shoes
Don't fall for those innocent faces...
It's all a ruse!
And if you ask them to clear off the table, they might blow a fuse.

It's really too bad this tale ends so tragic.
It just goes to show that instead of science...
Mom and Dad should have used magic!


When these silly parents saw just what they had did

They decided to turn the robots back into kids. Phew.

for more merrilykaroly (+addie) Halloween adventures: